"Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do."
Part 3: “A
Gentle and Quiet Spirit in Me?”
Rodney Dangerfield, the late comedian famous for his “no respect”
one-liners once said, “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
we met.”
Happiness in a marriage is usually a choice. Either we choose to love
and respect or we end up miserable.
Most things that make my husband feel disrespected I can easily change.
I never would have imagined these things. They run counter to my nature.
For instance, if a wife bellyaches about how little their dental
insurance covers, the husband hears, “You loser, why don’t you have
a job with better benefits? You will never make me happy, no matter how
hard you try. You just don’t live up to my expectations.” WOW! I
never dreamt husbands interpreted our comments through their bridegroom
ears as such. I was shocked and saddened. How could I not make it a
priority to know my husband?
Some of the things that make him feel respected seemed more difficult
for me if not nearly impossible. I took my husband’s need for respect
to the Lord and asked Him to help me value my husband with His heart.
Amazingly, it seems more and more I can give my husband the exact things
that he needs from me. I cannot take credit; it is a work of the Lord in
my heart.
So what does my hubby find respectful?
• Agreement, as in being on the same team.
• Encouragement, as in verbal affirmations.
• Empathy, as in knowing (including understanding) and loving him
inside out.
I remember many years ago when I read Nancy
Missler’s book “Why Should I Be the First to Change?” and now
I have finally come to understand exactly what she meant. The mystery
reveals itself through experience.
Why should you be the first to change? Because if you are a woman
craving loving affection, in most cases (there are exceptions to this
rule) you will only get it when you comprehend your husband’s views on
respect and seek to honor them. “Rather let it be the hidden person of
the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the sight of God..” 1 Peter 3:4 NKJV
This gentle and quiet spirit means you are meek and peaceable. Meekness
is not weakness, but rather a type of strength, because you are
submitted to God’s will. It is a type of humility because you have
faith that God is in control, He is our Providence. However, just
because God is in control, is not an excuse for lack of action on our
part. In the Bible, when wives are told to respect, it is a verb, an
action.
As mothers, we will go out of our way to be familiar with our children.
Our husbands need that same type of commitment to identify with their
needs and seek to understand them. A list of simple questions about
respect and disrespect that I emailed my husband has been one of the
foundation stones that is rebuilding my marriage to the place that I am
a happy, adoring wife, who genuinely feels loved.
If you do not feel loved by your husband, I challenge you today to pray
about asking your husband to explain to you what he envisions when he
thinks of you respecting him. Find out what things would make him feel
valued by you. Seek out which things cause him to feel disrespect too.
Your husband will be giving you much the same as a Snap-On tool chest
full of his favorite tools with his answers. You are now ready to
rebuild his engine, this time with quality parts and a lifetime
guarantee!
Please join us soon for Part 4!
(The Dance of Romance: Love and Respect in
Marriage is a multi-part series sharing the challenging lessons I am
learning about marriage, respect, love, and romance. My heart's prayer
is the Lord may be glorified in my marriage and yours too!)
